Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
