When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
