She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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