yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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