I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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