it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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