You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
