My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
