I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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