So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
