ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
