He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
