Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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