I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
