I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
