I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
