We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
