You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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