It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
