that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
