I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
