Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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