whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
