There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
