well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
