Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What a dumb baby whore.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
