shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
