I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
