Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
