There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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