Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
