Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
