gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
