Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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