It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
