so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
