New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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