You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
