a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
