remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
