If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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