i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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