Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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