I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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