i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
