I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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