I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
handjob tips. give me some.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
