best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
