I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
