I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
