Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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