I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
