i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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