Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she peed on how many people?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
